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[We’ve got a list of top vampire and zombie movies floating around on the (un) Death-Match site. Well, it’s high time that we take a look at werewolves. My lovely friend from The Dartmouth Soundsystem agreed to shower the site with her expertise in this area. She takes a look at werewolves on the big and little screen.]
By Lauren Oostveen
Twilight has made a bold attempt to turn vampires into wimps, and with that mopey sequel in theatres, werewolves are getting the pre-teen treatment, too. Alas. I fear for the youth of today.
For your benefit, here are some facts you should know about werewolves:
1. A werewolf would eat you.
2. A werewolf doesn’t care about your feelings.
3. A werewolf won’t hold your hand while you cry.
4. Lon Chaney Jr. > Taylor Lautner times ONE MILLION.
5. Benecio Del Toro > Taylor Lautner…and I haven’t seen The Wolf Man remake, yet! My assumption is based off of the ridiculous poster. See:
BAD ASS.
If you agree with the statements above…then read on! Here are a few of my favourite werewolves in television and film.
1. An American Werewolf in London
We have many things to thank John Landis for (and a few things to loath him for). My personal favourite of his is An American Werewolf in London, which successfully merges horror and comedy to create a really fun film. Two American backpackers are travelling around the UK when they’re attached by a mysterious beast. Don’t go out to the moors at night, OK?
2. Ginger Snaps
Growing up sucks! Two creepy sisters, Ginger and Bridgitte, are having fun being morbid and stuff when A) Ginger gets her period for the first time and B) Is subsequently bitten by a werewolf. Isn’t puberty the worst? As Ginger gets scarier and scarier, her sister tries to find a way to cure her. Awesome Canadian film!
3. The Wolf Man
This film is like the Holy Bible of werewolf flicks. It introduced the notion that a silver bullet can kill a werewolf, that they are forced to change under a full moon, and that they are supposedly marked with a pentagram. Lon Chaney Jr. portrays a man who goes to visit his ancestral home when he is attacked by a werewolf. His performance in this film is chock full of guilt and torment, leaving the audience more sympathetic than scared. The make-up in this movie is ridiculous, especially when you account for it being 1941 and all.
4. The Howling
Joe Dante, I love you! Please do a sequel to The ‘burbs. Another great 1980s werewolf movie. A TV news anchor heads to a commune-esque clinic to take a break after being traumatized by a serial killer. Fun party, right? NOPE. Straaaaaaange things happen once she arrives. What she doesn’t know is that there is a “den” of werewolves nearby…dun dun DUNNNN.
5. Wolfen
OK, so they’re not really werewolves…just really smart wolves who decide they’re hungry for MAN FLESH. Features kind of heavy-handed social commentary and views of urban decay in New York City. If that doesn’t interest you, your boyfriend Edward James Olmos is in it.
6. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Seth Green plays an introspective teenager named Oz who plays lead guitar in Dingos Ate My Baby and turns into a werewolf every once in a while. By dating Willow the witch, he becomes part of the Scooby Gang until things go decidedly bad and he leaves town. Oz is mostly well behaved and only occasionally eats people.
7. The Hilarious House of Frightenstein
This amazing 1970s Canadian kids show had a cast of creepy characters, but The Wolfman stood out for me as being the best. The guy has a bunch of things going for him…he’s a DJ, he gets to listen to Sly and the Family Stone all day, sports a fashionable beard, and has excellent dance parties with Igor. Lucky.
8. Werewolves on Wheels
A biker gang smashes up the monastery of some Satan-worshipping monks. OH NO! But the monks have a trick up their sleeve, as they have turned one of the biker chicks into a werewolf via their evil powers…with dire results, mwahahha.
9. Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too
Michael J. Fox is an average guy, but then he turns into a werewolf and is a BASKETBALL STAR and A TOTAL STUD. But what he wants most is to be normal. Sigh.
Jason Bateman stars in the so-bad-it’s-kinda-good sequel with basically the same plot. Except he’s in college. And the sport is boxing. OK.
10. Dog Soldiers
British soldiers are on a training operation in Scotland, which, unfortunately, is overrun with werewolves. And the full moon is rising. Well, darn it. The soldiers fight for their lives as they attempt to live through the night. A pretty tense movie with lots of jumpy moments.
Let The Right One In
Here’s my conundrum: I am the wrong person to try and point out the best or the worst in terms of vampire films. Let me get a confession off my chest right now: scary movies frighten the bajeezus out of me. I gasped so many times in the theater while watching 30 Days of Night that my friends were visibly embarrassed by me. So, I consulted another expert in this area to school me in the vampire vs. zombie movie ‘best of’ lists. Here, in no particular order are The Undeath Match’s 10 Best Vampire Films.
Martin (1977) directed by George A Romero
A creepy, gross and strangely sweet vampire tale. Lots of blood and flowing white shirts. It’s a really disturbing and beautiful (yet not disturbingly beautiful) film.
Let the Right One In (2008) directed by Tomas Alfredson
Oskar, a terrifically awkward twelve-year-old, befriends the new girl in his apartment complex. Set in the dead of winter in Sweden, this stark, shockingly heartwarming, story slowly reveals Eli’s true nature.
Near Dark (1987) directed by Kathryn Bigelow
Good, old country boy Caleb picks up Mae, who then bites him by accident (in a fit of misguided passion, natch). Soon, Caleb’s feeling terribly unwell. Before he can even start to feel better, he’s abducted by Mae’s “people.” The film plays with the Dickensian notion of families formed of disparate folk and that any of us is worthy of redemption. It’s also the hey day of vampires with punky haircuts and trench coats, although not gelled hair. That was more Lost Boys, which we’ve left off the list.
Fright Night (1985) directed by Tom Holland
Roddy McDowall as vampire hunter and Chris Sarandon as the vampire/neighbour is a winning combination. A lovely mix of pop culture and playing with and against the genre. Horror film tropes are discussed and on display then mocked (sort of). Also, the scene of Roddy McDowall holding a crucifix in front of vampire Chris Sarandon and vampire crushing the crucifix with his handing saying, ‘You have to have faith for this to work’ kind of sticks with you.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) directed by Fran Rubel Kuzui
The original film doesn’t have the cache of the long-running, beloved and asskickingly awesome TV series, but it definitely has its moments. David Arquette floating outside the sliding glass window saying, “you’ve got to let me in man,” or something like that, toes the line between utterly creepy and oddly funny in that pop culture-esque only Joss Whedon does so well.
Nosferatu (1922) directed by F. W. Murnau
C’mon, this one is obvious! Rotten Tomatoes (linked above) has this as it’s #1 reviewed vampire film, and for good reason.
Nosferatu (1979) directed by Werner Herzog
Doubly so! Same movie (as above) but very different.
NOTE: Honorable mention goes to Shadow of the Vampire (2000), which is a meta-kind of film about the making of Nosferatu (1922) where the main character takes himself just a little bit too seriously. Willem Dafoe is wicked in this film.
Les vampires (1915) directed by Louis Feuillade
French movie serial. Lots of sexy lady vampires in Isadore Duncan-esque outfits. The lead character’s name is Irma Vep. Anagram that!
Vampire’s Kiss (1988) directed by Robert Bierman
Back when Nicholas Cage was good and Jennifer Beals wasn’t.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001) directed by Lee Demarbre
If anyone has seen all of the above, and any other brand of low-budget horror and action, well, how could you not like this fine example of Canadian cinema?
So what have we missed and what have we gotten all wrong? Holler back if you completely disagree with us. We’ll continue with the best 10 zombie movies tomorrow.
There’s nothing like a list to spark some controversy, so tell us what you think of the Boston Globe‘s list of the 50 Scariest Horror Movies of All Time.
There’s some obvious choices including 28 Days Later (#18), which Deanna and I will be reviewing soon, and I’ve got to tell you Audition at #10 certainly gets my vote as flipping terrifying, but there’s some not so obvious choices as well — hello Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory at #47 and er… documentary Jesus Camp at #17.
Of course, it’s good to see the zombies (and pft… a few vampires) represented, but what would you choose?
Zombieland starring Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg
Cinematical has a great article up about “Why Zombies Make Better Horror Movies Than Vampires” — and while this goes directly against what I’m fighting for here — I just had to post some of it up (thanks Kath for the link!):
The battle of the undead on the big screen has been under way for some time now, and after months of hearing that vampires are taking over pop culture, it seems like we shouldn’t quite put our friends the zombies (no, not those ones) down for the count. Over at Newsweek, Sarah Ball put together a few reasons as to why zombies will never beat vampires in a pop-culture zeitgeist-off thanks to our long-standing love-affair with the pale tortured types. But just this weekend, audiences proved that when it comes to the walking dead, the zombies still have what it takes to bring in the crowds.
Everybody has their personal preferences (and man I love those bloodsuckers), so even though I’ve watched more vampire content than I care to remember (I even sat through the pilot of The Vampire Diaries), and I’ll always be a dedicated ‘fan of the fang’, I think that sometimes those drooling bumbling walking corpses might be better suited (at least these days) to the world of horror. Here’s why:
After the jump: my top 3 reasons Zombies (might) make better horror movies.
And while they may make their point for movies, I’m still to be convinced that zombies do better in books than vampires do.
Underworld Movie Poster
[Full disclosure: I made Dan watch this film just so we could talk about it here. I LOVE this film. It’s not rational, but what about love is ever as such?]
Last week we posted our thoughts / discussion about Guillermo del Toro’s Blade II. This week Dan and I dissect Underworld starring Kate Beckinsale, Michael Sheen and Scott Speedman. Also, let’s note that my high marks for this film absolutely count towards the whole vampires winning part of this undeath match. Right?
Dan
Okay, so first things first. Why do you love this movie so?
Deanna
[Cracking her knuckles because this will be looong]
When I first went to see Underworld in the theatre, it wasn’t my first choice, but someone who shall remain an acronym, namely my RRHB (rock and roll husband) sort of forced my hand. He’s seen every single horror movie out there numerous times and actually creates zombie escape plans for every single place we live. He grew up on Stephen King and Clive Barker. He spent Sunday afternoons curled up on the couch with his mom watching The Exorcist and any kind of spooky film they could rent. So all of my recent foray into scary (or somewhat scary) films that involve vampires, zombies or any other kind of undead (the infected in 28 Days Later, gross) comes from my RRHB “suggesting” we watch these films. And they freak me the fark out.
But Underworld is different. It’s one of those films that I watch over and over again, and never get sick of watching. Truly, a guilty pleasure because I know it’s not a great movie, but it has elements to it that I admire and enjoy. Because as my RRHB was growing up on gore, I was reading Little Women, Anne of Green Gables, Jane Austen, Sweet Valley High and old Harlequin romances. I barely watched television and turned my nose up at anything approaching pop culture until I was in my mid 20s and discovered fun.
Right, so I’m talking about Underworld. What’s not to like about the movie? There’s enough cheese to make it kind of funny, enough blood to satisfy the action fellows, eye candy for both sexes, a plot that makes sense and actually evolves throughout and solid acting. That’s probably what I like the best — very serious, very good actors like Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy, Kate Beckinsale and my darling Scott Speedman elevating the material in ways that lesser players would not have been able to do. At its heart, Underworld (without the cheesy backflashes when the vampires “tune in” to one another’s memories) is a battle between good and evil, and no one really comes out the way you’d expect.
But I think Selene is a kickass female heroine. The typical female action stars from that time period were all stunt and no action, if you know what I mean (Angelina Jolie in those dreadful faux-Indiana Jones movies made me yak). Beckinsale’s a great character actor in a way, she commits to Selene’s warrior nature and plays the role straight up with a side of sexy. There’s development in her character and she doesn’t take any mysogynistic guff from Kraven, the utterly stupid fellow ruling the lair while Viktor slumbers.
Sure, the film has obvious flaws but what picture doesn’t?
Dan
Well, I’m glad there is at least a reason for your irrational love of this movie. I think you’re stretching it’s artistic merit though. Bill Nighy and Michael (Tony Blair) Sheen do their best (okay – they’re kind of great given what they had to work with), but Scott Speedman? Really? I’ve seen 2 x 4’s with more emotional range and gravitas! Granted the splutteringly awful Shane Brolly (Kraven) does make Speedman look like Robert De Niro by comparison, but I don’t think that’s saying a lot is it? And it’s not as if Beckinsale is a whole lot better. I mean she does manage to look glacially cool — and yes she’s not a typical action star (although she does have to be saved at the end!) — but you really are in trouble when your tight pants are the best thing in the movie.
Anyway, it isn’t TERRIBLE, which is saying something.
Deanna
Come on! Her gun-wielding skills and swift landings are almost as good as her tight latex pants. And when she has her cool vampire eyes, it’s pretty wicked in terms of makeup. In a sense, I like “beginnings” when it comes to films — and always find that a lot of effort goes into making the stories interesting and kind of epic — like The Bourne Identity, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring for example. I kind of got really caught up in the beginning nature of the movie. The epic fight between the vampires and the lycans, the greed of the idiotic Kraven character, and the budding love story between Selene and Michael.
You are, obviously, not a girl. Scott Speedman gets caught in your heart just simply for his being Ben on Felicity. Add in his Canadian indie cred and his ability to truly rock the “sensitive guy” character and I’m hooked. Their relationship gets a little cheesy in the next movie, and don’t even get me started on how terrible the third one is, but I liked how everywhere you turned in Underworld something fishy was going on. The idea of betrayal is persistent and the whole linking of the bloodlines and revenge actually makes sense. On the whole, it’s like comfort food: frothy, a little sustenance, yummy morsels and not a lot of nutrition.
You have to admit that it does a great job of not creating the “usual” Hollywood vampires or pitting one of their kind against another — it’s really a story of a family unraveling, of a patriarch being unable to sustain the brood he’s created.
Dan
Okay. So I’m not hot for Scott. Sorry.
I didn’t find the romance the slightest bit believable… In a way I actually thought that Speedman was kind of redundant. I mean he’s just an excuse to find out that the most interesting character — Lucian — is actually still alive and that he’s this visceral threat to Selene’s family (even if it is not in the way you first think).
It really would have been a more interesting story if Speedman wasn’t in it.
I’m SO not a girl am I? LOL.
Anyway, I did like there that there’s a sense of a complete world (even if it doesn’t completely make sense!). They’d obviously thought about the history of vampires and werewolves and tried to create a backstory for the events in the movie. And I thought it was interesting that neither the decadent, violent, torturing vampires or the cloddish
bare-knuckle werewolves were particularly likeable and that it was only really the individuals — Selene and Lucian — who were in any sense redeemable.
It is also stylishly done, although the debt they owe The Matrix is pretty palpable. My-Better-Half (MBH) certainly thought so — she kept interrupting the movie to tell me!
Deanna
YBH (Your better half) is utterly correct. The Matrix (in my mind) was one of those revolutionary pictures that changed the landscape of filmmaking and, for the most part, for the better, right?
That said, how can you say Scott Speedman’s character is redundant? He’s half-lycan, half-vampire by the end of the film and STRONGER THAN THEM BOTH. How else will you fight against an entire wicked race unless you create the absolute strongest creature possible? He’s the best of both worlds. And can kick serious ass. Without him the entire film kind of falls apart because he’s got the DNA that’s responsible for starting both the Lycan race and the Vampire race. Dude, those are hefty genes.
There were some secondary characters that were interesting too (like the Death Dealer that works with Selene, the fellow who develops the UV bullets), but I agree, it’s always that way in films like this — the expendables are never fully developed because they’re there just for the kill factor. For the action beat, for the need to hit a bit of excitement in between the plot development. However, when Lucian comes in and shouts at them for acting like a pack of “rapid dogs,” well, that was kind of cool. It set him apart from the rest and ensured that we realize that he’s a sympathetic kind of antihero if that makes any sense.
I guess I just really enjoy the campy nature of the film. It’s not a horror movie, which I appreciate, because it’s not that scary. It’s not totally an action film because there’s a lot more character development and story than usual. And it’s got an “alternative” love story that I find compelling. When Michael says, “I want to go with you.” And Selene clamps him down and makes him stay in that safe house, you think, “Yeah, she’s in charge.” Don’t you?
Okay, your turn to tell me what you think out of 10.
Dan
It is kind of hard to think of a action movie from the last few years that doesn’t owe a debt to The Matrix in some way or another. But maybe Underworld just wears that whole slo-mo shooting influence a bit too much on its snug leather sleeve?
And for me, Speedman is the MacGuffin in the movie — he’s moves the plot along, but the interesting stuff is happening around him in that weird, slightly oedipal triangle between Lucian, Selene and Viktor. I wanted to find out more about them rather than watching Speedman looking dopey.
Anyway, you’re right — Underworld is campy horror fun, even if it takes itself way to seriously. I kind of enjoyed it — just less than I thought I might.
For Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen giving the whole thing more gravitas than it deserves and for Kate Beckinsale’s tight pants, I think this is like 6 out of 10. How about you?
Deanna
Considering I’ve already played my hand and said that I’ve seen this film 27 times and it’s one of my favourite good-bad movies, I’m going to have to give it 8.5/10.
All right, what’s next? Are we on to an actually good film now, 28 Days Later?
Dan
8.5 out of 10? Pff. Whatever. But hey, if you’ve watched it 27 times, I’m not going to argue (because clearly you are crazy). And yes, 28 Days Later next week…
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