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Insatiable is the story of Meena Harper (a vampire non-believer) who meets and falls in love with Lucien Antonescu (a vampire). Meena has the ability to see how people are going to die (not that anyone believes her anyway) but since Lucien is already dead, he could be the prefect guy for her. Right? Maybe not.
Meena thought Lucien had everything she ever wanted in a boyfriend but it seems he is turning into a nightmare…
Watch bloopers from the filming of the book trailers here
Jack Barnes is no ordinary zombie. He can think, but more importantly, he can write. He is sure that the human race and the zombie race can live together peacefully and so he sets out on a cross country adventure to find Howard Stein, the man responsible for the zombie curse.
Along the way, Jack meets a group of “super” zombies who can run like the wind and reattach decaying appendages among other skills. Together they embark on an epic quest for zombie equality!
Watch the trailer:
Back in 2008, someone suggested that the horde of zombie movies was losing ground to a clan of vampire flicks in some kind of sociological class warfare allegory. It was an interesting observation, but we paranormal authors know better than to play Freakonomics with the undead.
Supernatural trends are clearly about the romance!
Take vampires, for example. They say only a vampire can love you forever — excepting angels, demons, and a plethora of other immortals, natch — but the thrill doesn’t stop there! Tall, dark, and handsome? Check. Hungry, passionate longing with a hint of danger? Double-check. Of course, California tans and sunset walks on the beach are right out, but with that list of Class-A features does anyone really think we’re reading about vampires because of subconscious political metaphors?
Of course not! We read about vampires because we want a boyfriend who went to high school with great-grandpa, but still looks like Rob Pattinson.
Same deal with zombies: what girl doesn’t want a man who can appreciate her for her brains? And with the advent of cologne and duct tape, even that pesky decay problem is no obstacle to true love with these monosyllabic shamblers!
In the last two years, even zombies and vampires have given up ground to an advancing army of paranormals. Werewolves, for example, are all the rage! Loyal, rugged men who will definitely keep you warm at night. Let’s face it — everyone is furry for Jacob. Granted, these boys have a time of the month that goes way beyond cranky, and don’t get me started on the state of the soap after they shower . . . but really, who’s perfect?
Why stop there? Sooner or later, someone will realize that vampires, zombies, and werewolves all have one thing in common: ear-nibbling is out, and that just bites. Instead, why not date a faerie? Ethereal beauty, a love of the outdoors, and a wicked sense of humor all come together in this perfect pixie package. They can be a little flighty, it’s true, but once they’re bound to you, they’re bound for life. Make sure you ask what his real name is on your first date. Trust me, that’s information worth worming out of him.
Those paranormals a little too much to handle? Maybe a wizard or warlock is more up your alley. Human enough to fit in as the boy next door, these guys can spoil you better than any millionaire, with a wave of their magic wand — assuming they can see past the end of it. But watch for prejudiced magicians who might turn their back on you if they discover you’re kind of Muggle-y.
Still haven’t found your perfect match? Don’t worry! We’re not done yet! There are demons (the ultimate bad boys), angels (a little pious but oh so sparkly!) necromancers (very helpful should you succumb to the bad guy!) . . . even Cthulu has probably taken out a personal ad from time to time (he’ll eat you up he loves you so).
So you judge. Is our fascination with the supernatural based on obscure and subconscious social leanings? Bah! Clearly, all you need is love.
Push it hard.
Here I am months later accepting complete and utter defeat. The werewolves not only bested my vampires, but also Tan’s angels, and I’m 100% sure they’d kick ass at any other supernatural being we throw at them.
I never thought it would be possible. How could a drooling, toothy, flea-bitten wolf-man-beast hybrid could be seen the better of my cultured, deceptively gorgeous, literary, smart, and all kinds of other adjectives you know you want me to list, vampires.
Now, that’s not to say that we won’t have a Great Undeath Match Redux when certain authors (ahem, Del Toro and Hogan) publish the next book in the series and try to take those pesky furballs down again. Don’t let anyone tell you I’m not already packing ammunition in the form of vowels and consonants these days. You better bet I am. What? Did I say that out loud?
For now, here are some things I am willing to admit:
1. Kelley Armstrong has an awesome and rightfully justified fan base. Kudos to Katie for picking the right book — it’s not just about the creature peeps, it’s about what the writer does with them, right? Right.
2. Even I am willing to admit that Benicio Del Toro makes an awesome looking werewolf, even if the film’s getting lacklustre reviews.
3. Not even the pre-tween masses who love a little book called Twilight could propel me to victory. Now that’s saying something.
4. I really thought Tan and her angels had a shot.
5. If Dracula, the ultimate undeath match hero, can’t be in it to win it, what hope did we ever have.
So, I tip my hat, my fangs, my irrational lust for Alexander Skarsgård, to you Katie. You are victorious, indeed.
But what now?
Well, it’s up to you sweet readers. What Undeath Match do you want to see next? Which creatures would you pit up against one another and defend for their lives? What author has a fantastic book or series we might have missed that truly calls out to be defended, supported and then promoted?
We’re looking for guest posts, guest smackdowns, suggestions, and anything else that you might have to say to us over the next few weeks. Email me or Katie with your ideas (deanna [dot] mcfadden [at] harpercollins [dot] com or krugerkat [at] gmail [dot] com) and we’ll have a user-generation whale of time these next couple months.
Katie and I became slightly enraged talking to one another (not AT one another) about New Moon. As it’s been well documented, I think this film is one giant sparkle away from complete suckage, but who am I to begrudge the tween girls their indulgences. Wait…that’s exactly what we do below. So, without further ado, Katie and I go head-to-head with the Twihards. We fully expect backlash. Indeed, we do.
Good afternoon friend. So, I hear you’ve had the pleasure of seeing New Moon. There’s just one thing I want to point out before we start our undeath match unreview — that director Chris Weitz has been saying all over the place that if people just don’t like and/or get the film it’s because it’s not made for them — it’s for the “fans.” Personally, I think this is just one giant cop out.
Um, wow. That’s, like, a supernatural-sized cop out. Would you care for a slice of humble-pie with that statement? I get that he was burned pretty badly by his work on The Golden Compass but, come on, dude. That’s like saying people who hate the Twilight series of books just aren’t “fans” of the genre. A good movie is a good movie. And a bad one is a rotten tomato.
Likewise for books. And, for the record, that doesn’t mean a bad movie or book can’t be a commercial success.
So, I’ve been reading Bram Stoker’s classic tale, Dracula. I figured I should back up my literary smackdown with more than just empty words, and I have but one thing to say: it’s TERRIFYING.
First published in May 1897, Dracula’s an epistolary novel, and it’s not unlike Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein in tone (and that’s one of my all-time favourite novels). At first, I wasn’t convinced I was going to like reading this book. I bought my copy at The Strand the last time I was in NYC and have been meaning to read it for, oh, about 18 months now. Oddly, if it wasn’t for this Undeath Match, I doubt I would have gotten to it before 2045 or so…
Anyway. I’ve only read about 100 pages so far and right now Jonathan Harker, an English solicitor is missing and his fiance, Mina, is worried. Jonathan left months ago for Transylvania (and you see where this is going) to finish off a business deal for Count Dracula, whose considering a move to England (so he can terrorize the English, bah!). At this very moment, there’s a ship in the harbour near Whitby (UK, not near TO) that’s being steered by a dead man.
Another interesting thing to note: When Jonathan arrives in Transylvania, he goes by coach to Count Dracula’s castle. Wolves are howling. They chase the coach. They bare their fangs. And then, suddenly, they’re subdued, almost as if a far superior being has just whipped them into shape. Perchance this is the first literary occurrence of the Undeath Match. Oh, and what a shock, the vampires come out as the superior being yet once again.
All in all, actually of the two vampire books I’ve read in the last little while, Dracula‘s far more entertaining than a certain other book that’s currently dominating bestseller lists around the world.
/Off topic. In terms of book-to-movie translations, how did this end up with “Bram Stoker” in the title? The book and the movie couldn’t be more different. Anyone? Anyone?
Katie and I were both felled by a terrible bout of sickness as we started to discuss this film. Imagine the two of us curled up on the couch with hot tea, Kleenex, and a cozy blanket while trying to think of witty (and sometimes scathing) things to say to one another over the course of our virtual conversation.
Good morning. Hope you’re feeling better. Let’s get right down to it — I’ve seen Underworld: Evolution probably a dozen times. And I can’t explain my truly odd fascination with these films. What did you think?
This was only my second viewing of Underworld: Evolution. Admittedly, my first impression was kind of meh. On second viewing my opinion improved somewhat. Overall, I tend to find sequels not as great as the original with trilogies sometimes making up for the middle film (as is the case here). I think it was the realization of the hybrid on-screen that didn’t appeal to me. I found that Michael’s altered state didn’t come off nearly as cool as a vampire or a lycan. In fact, there were points in the film where I felt he was kind of like a greyish Incredible Hulk (a la Lou Ferrigno). Plus, let’s face it, there really wasn’t enough lycan action throughout this movie.
We went to see The Road on Saturday night and there was a preview for Ethan Hawke’s new vampire movie, Daybreakers. Um, I squealed. Like a teenage girl who sees Edward on screen for the first time. And, look! His character’s name is Edward too. But, happily, he’s far more age appropriate for a girl like me. Yum.
Also, the movie doesn’t look half bad, right? What cool Hollywood actors are playing werewolves in upcoming awesome films?
With New Moon shattering box office records like Bella’s heart in the first half-hour of the film, it’s no wonder that Undeath Match-like content has been popping up all over the place. Here are some linkish things that caught my attention and further proved that Team Vampire is the way to go:
Warren Clements’ Word Play column from this weekend’s Globe and Mail was all about the Undeath Match between Team Jacob and Team Edward or, rather, the origins of “vampire” and “werewolf” (and other interesting words). Something I didn’t know — the Kurt Cobain of Romantic poetry, Lord Byron, wrote of vampires in his 1813 poem The Giaour. The literary dominance of vampires continues.
Kevin Smith adds his own thoughts to the Twilight phenomena. This clip is totally NSFW, which is why I’m linking and not embedding. BUT, it’s seriously hilarious. Again, who’s getting all the ass? The vampires. Natch. (However, I feel kind of gross even saying that considering how OLD the kids in those movies actually are…)
Lots of debate around whether or not Edward’s really a teenager and if his relationship to Bella might hinge upon abuse. For fear of losing this particular Undeath Match, I’m staying away from judging i09’s original post except to say that it would be great to hear Meyer’s response.
Tara and Will review New Moon. They’re funny. I went to see it too, and here are my thoughts. I’ve also now read Twilight and it might actually put a kink in my plans for Vampire dominance that I’m, again, not going to say much until Katie and I have it out on the pages here.
I’m sure there’s more. What great Undeath Match links have you stumbled across as of late?
So, as of late, the arguments coming from my lovely counterparts here on The Undeath Match have said the following about vampires:
I’m not even going to front any more. I’m not going to get all cheeky and witty and wordy. I’m just going to say one thing: vampires aren’t human. When you come right down to it, it’s probably the very best thing about them. But why? I mean there are obvious disadvantages to being undead, primarily, you know, the whole being dead thing.
Well, right now both Katie and myself are suffering from a really nasty cold that’s got us laid up and miserable. A sore throat, a lot of coughing, some gross phlegm. Being sick is honestly kind of sick. All those gross bugs (like the common cold bug below) crawling microscopically around inside your throat, your stomach, your lungs. I mean, ew.
I’ll bet dollars to donuts that not a single vampire would have to go through the utter disgrace of having runny nose, sore throat, or a hacking cough once a season. No vampire would be forced to endure the frustration of standing in line for hours for an H1N1 vaccination. You know why? They’re not human.
Conversation between Deanna and her husband last night:
“Honey, are werewolves immortal?”
“No, why would they be? They’re human. They’re shapeshifters but they’re human.”
I guess that means werewolves can catch all manner of viruses, from the common cold to the dreaded H1N1. They’re sniffling, sneezing, body-ripping wolfy cesspools of germs. It’s bad enough they’ll try to kill you, but good grief, on top of everything, they can still give you a cold too.
#1 reason why vampires remain superior? They won’t give me a cold.