The movie poster for Blade II

The movie poster for Blade II

Over the course of the last few weeks, Dan and I have been watching some Undeath Match-style films. The first one we thought would be good to discuss was Blade II because it’s directed by The Strain co-author Guillermo del Toro. This particular discussion took place via email at the end of July.

So… your first thoughts. The special effects were kind of cool but this was really more of a martial arts movie than a pure vampire movie. And it was a little lacking in a couple of essentials, like, um plot and character development.

Plot? Character development? Were you expecting Shakespeare?

I actually like this movie. I kind of think character development would only have got in the way of Blade delivering the whupass. Did you know he’s a jazz trumpeter in the comic book? I’m just trying to imagine how the movie would’ve been if they’d worked that into the plot!

You know, I would have preferred him to be a jazz trumpeter, at least then he would have done something more than wear sunglasses and do that whole muscly-broody thing that Snipes does so well. I haven’t seen any of the other Blade films, but this one made me wonder why they made a sequel. Is it the action that makes people like them or the vampires, a combination of both?

I know you haven’t read The Strain yet but there were a lot of familiar themes — you’ll know what I’m talking about — between this film and the book. That surprised me, a lot. I always find the creation bits of the story — the hows, they whys — far more interesting than the actual fighting and eating bits. You know what would have made this a better movie? Actually seeing the first super vampire’s story, maybe even in flashback, would have added a level of context the film needed. But I do understand that’s not actually the point.

Just the thought of a melancholy Blade playing noodling jazz in black turtle-neck while contemplating his soul (or lack of) is kind of hilarious… Didn’t Wesley Snipes play a jazz trumpeter in a movie? Oh wait… Maybe it was a saxophone? And I would have been LMAO if Blade was a jazz saxophonist (as would the vampires).

Anyway… I think they play to Snipes’ strengths here. All he has to do is kick some vampire ass — dialogue would just slow him down. But yes, Blade II is definitely a Guillermo del Toro movie. His films always look great, but he often relies on a lot of the same themes and visual tropes, so it doesn’t surprise me (at all) that The Strain has some similarities. Maybe that’s why (whisper) I’m quite looking forward to reading it…

I also liked that the infected vampires are kind of like zombie vampires (zampires?). There is definitely some thing creepy about the way they sort of crab-skip (can crabs skip? scuttle maybe?) sideways. I mean quite apart from the hair loss and the fact their faces split in half and they have weird barbed tentacle tongues…

The downside to this movie for me was the “Blood Pack”. They were kind of rubbish.

The Blood Pack was ridiculous. They seemed nothing more than an excuse for Blade to fight against the fight, and the pseudo-“love” story with he and Nyssa was also ridiculous. Why does every other vampire burst into light like an explosion when they die and she just floats away like dust on a really pretty wind at the end. Yawn.

I did feel bad that the Marcus character from the Underworld series had to die so soon but, meh, they were all there just as excuses for the super vamps to feed on them or attack them in a really gruesome way. Less characters than things to get in the way of other things so cool scenes can be planned around their deaths.

In other cheeseball-ness, “Scud”. Really? With everyone committing some form of betrayal upon someone else but with everyone being aware (except the girl, of course, she didn’t know anything, natch) that they’re being betrayed why, um, did they all end up in the giant fight at the end?

And yes, there’s a lot of zombie-like characteristics to the vampires in The Strain. It’s like these super vampires are reduced to only the essences: their drive for eating and that’s about it. The head fellow was blessed with a brain but I don’t understand how having the entire race evolve to that sub-species was actually a good idea.

But you have to admit when their jaw opens…it’s damn scary.

The Blood Pack was useless. What was up with tattoo-face? Some good your ridiculous sledgehammer turned out to be, eh jackass?

The romance with Nyssa was lame. Not a lot of chemistry there. Maybe it would have been better if she HAD exploded? Can you imagine? Blade and Nyssa’s shared moment of tenderness across the vampire-dhampir divide shattered by her violently exploding corpse setting his leathers ablaze in the morning sun. Brilliant.

It is also kind of odd that Luke Goss who plays super-vampire Nomak was in 80s pretty-boy band Bros (did Bros ever make it to Canada?). It really is a good job that he knew kung fu and had that whole scary splitting-jaw-barbed- tentacle-tongue thing down otherwise he really wouldn’t have been all that scary.

And it was kind of funny that Damaskinos’ lair was like a sanguineous Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I mean who has a great big pipe of blood flowing into an enormous bath in their atrium? I think even among vampires that might be considered a little kitschy! I was waiting for the vampire umpa lumpas to emerge from behind the scenes… (hmm… I’m beginning to think somebody should write “Blade: The Musical” with Blade on jazz trumpet and an umpa lumpa vampire chorus singing the harmonies… That would be awesome!)

Anyway, I shouldn’t be too harsh on this movie, because I enjoyed it. It’s delivers a good quotient of stylish whupass even if plot and bit-characters are a bit rubbish.

How would you rank this movie out of 10? I think it’s around a 6 1/2 for me.

But maybe the whole Blood Pack aspect of the film belongs to a tradition of whoop-ass that we just can’t relate to. Those characters who are there simply to die so that the picture hits its action beats. You always know who they are — they’re the ones who die first (unless they’re a really special star brought in simply to die first) and needlessly bloodily… the expendables, if you will.

I would go see Blade: The Musical. I would go see it just to have a giant set recreate the massive blood bath in all its 80s-Scarface glory. We thought we were so progressive after the 90s finished, but B movies still have a kitsch factor (the blood bath makes that apparent) to them even if they’re not necessarily trying to be “B”-style movies. I much prefer the “lairs” in True Blood, tasteful, normal, even historical in some senses.

Ummm, I’d agree, 6 1/2 is just about right.