So, as of late, the arguments coming from my lovely counterparts here on The Undeath Match have said the following about vampires:

1. They hate the environment.

2. They are pretentious.

3. They hate Canada, kittens and women.

I’m not even going to front any more. I’m not going to get all cheeky and witty and wordy. I’m just going to say one thing: vampires aren’t human. When you come right down to it, it’s probably the very best thing about them. But why? I mean there are obvious disadvantages to being undead, primarily, you know, the whole being dead thing.

Well, right now both Katie and myself are suffering from a really nasty cold that’s got us laid up and miserable. A sore throat, a lot of coughing, some gross phlegm. Being sick is honestly kind of sick. All those gross bugs (like the common cold bug below) crawling microscopically around inside your throat, your stomach, your lungs. I mean, ew.

I’ll bet dollars to donuts that not a single vampire would have to go through the utter disgrace of having runny nose, sore throat, or a hacking cough once a season. No vampire would be forced to endure the frustration of standing in line for hours for an H1N1 vaccination. You know why? They’re not human.

Conversation between Deanna and her husband last night:

“Honey, are werewolves immortal?”

“No, why would they be? They’re  human. They’re shapeshifters but they’re human.”

Huh.

I guess that means werewolves can catch all manner of viruses, from the common cold to the dreaded H1N1. They’re sniffling, sneezing, body-ripping wolfy cesspools of germs. It’s bad enough they’ll try to kill you, but good grief, on top of everything, they can still give you a cold too.

#1 reason why vampires remain superior? They won’t give me a cold.

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