Dude. That’s it? That’s all you’ve got. Vampires are (to channel Book Madam for a moment) ‘HAWT’?

Seriously? Wow. I didn’t know that you were so shallow. Besides, this guy is not looking so good is he?

And HELLO…

I do hope he flosses before your dream date (and I would set some ground rules about tongues before you leave the restaurant if I were you)…

OK, so some vampires might look like Edward Cullen on THE OUTSIDE (and umm… PS: swing a croquet mallet at the English public school of your choice and you’ll knock out about half-a-dozen dozy, floppy-haired muppets that look like Robert Pattinson), but every single one of them looks like Jared Nomak of the dubious dental hygiene on THE INSIDE! No wonder British actors always play them in movies…

Vampires are vain and ugly to their core however beautiful their waxy skin, dead eyes, and questionable hair are. Why do you think that they can’t look at their own reflections?

Zombies may not be pretty, but what you see is what you get. They’re not going to pretend they’re anything but rotting, slack-fleshed dead people. They’re not watching ‘What Not to Wear’ or worried about sun-damage and wrinkles.

Zombies don’t care how you look first thing in the morning. They don’t think your bum looks big in those pants you bought on sale. And they’re not going to leave you when you run out of cigarettes and the next moody schoolgirl in a short skirt comes to town (unless they’ve killed you already and stripped you down to the gristle — by which point you’re sort of beyond caring anyway).

Besides, zombies love for your brains, not your looks…

VOTE ZOMBIE! They like big thighs.

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