Well, I can barely believe that my cohort in this crazy experiment took advantage of my poor, weak, sick self (steady the violins; my appendix ruptured, it was a nightmare) to trash talk vampires before I even had a moment to introduce myself.

Let us pause for a moment. A vote for vampires is un-Canadian? Really? Is that what we’re trying to say here? I can’t believe that in a nation that has supported not only our little book by making it a bestseller, but also sold an amazing amount of other titles that will go unnamed, ahem, Stephanie Meyer, ahem, casting your vote for the vampires seems to me to be the winning move.

But let’s think about this a little further. Dan argues that, and I quote: “Vampires, with their aristocratic airs, flouncy capes, nice hair, delightful European accents, fancy chateaus, and fine art collections, are the pretentious, latte-sipping fops of the undead.”

Let us not forget that vampires, by their very nature, are (how shall I put this delicately), hot. Sure they may be all charming and stuff with deadly ulterior motives but you don’t see any human-zombie love stories ripping their way onto the front pages of the pop culture glad rags. Shall we remember some classic vampire-human love stories? Buffy and Angel. Bella and Edward. Sookie and Bill. Those cute young kids from the Vampire Diaries. Oh, you get the picture. How many zombie-human love stories are currently invading the air waves? Is that crickets I hear?

Why vote for this:

Fido

Fido

When you could vote for this:

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman in True Blood

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman in True Blood

Yes, you might end up dead or even undead the more you get mixed up with the likes of the vampire. But at least you’d have a conversation before they killed you. Or some other kind of fun. It’s a much more dignified way to die than being chased by a brain-sniffing zombie who can barely utter, “Uggghgugug” as they stumble toward you bashing into doors, cars, windows, and anything else that stands in their way.

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