Barring a viral outbreak of Justin Cronin vampire proportions, humans face the very real fears of things like terrorist organizations, youth crime, biker gangs, etc. So, it came as no surprise to me when I read about a student throwing a puppy at a group of Hells Angels. Why? Well, how much money do you want to bet it was a dachshund?

As I’ve mentioned already, dachshunds have a long and distinguished history of hunting to take down specific prey.

A double-barreled shotgun & dachshund

What I’m about to share with you in classified information, people. Recently, when the Dachshund U.N. convened they weren’t just talking about the “Eradication of Hot Dog Costumes for the Advancement of Dachshund Dignity.”

A sign of hope for dogs and mankind

No, they were talking about “Special Ops and Tactics in Preparation for Saving Dachshund’s BFF (a.k.a. Humankind).” Discussions included, but were not limited to, an overview of Surface-to-Air-Dachshund (S.T.A.D.) technology and aerial hunting capabilities.

In fact, these little canines are considered so dangerous, that these signs have been seen:

Dachshund Free Zone

Finally, viral vampires have hearts, too. Nowhere have I read of one being able to take down a face like this:

<3 melts...

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